Articles
HEAD BANGING
By Dr. Marilyn Heins
July 15, 2009
Head-banging is on of the most frustrating behaviors for parents to watch. It looks as though your child is deliberately hurting himself or herself and when a head hits the floor it can sound awful.
This is so painful for parents to watch and hear that they want the behavior to stop immediately and never recur. That's unrealistic as this habit usually continues for a while. However, very few normal children hurt themselves. If your head-banger is developing normally and is an otherwise happy kid I can assure you there will not be any head damage.
Why would children bang their head and hurt themselves when they are angry at someone else or mad at the world? Part of this is developmental. A child not yet two has the coordination to bang his or her head on the floor but may not yet have the motor skills to hit at another child. This kind of head-banging is a tantrum in which the child cannot tolerate the feelings of frustration and needs to do something to trump those feelings.
Young children have lots of reasons to get frustrated. The toddler has developed walking skills which feels exhilarating and liberating but along comes Mommy who says you can't walk over there and touch the stereo. Ergo, a tantrum.
The parent's job is to help a frustrated child learn how to deal with anger. The three time-honored strategies that help parents do their job are prevention, distraction, and removal. Try to prevent meltdowns by noting when they are likely to occur. Arrange for naps or snacks if the child is tired or hungry. Distract the frustrated child by bringing another toy or separating two toddlers who start to tangle. Remove the child heading for trouble from the scene.
If you have a head-banger, you should protect the child's head as much as you can. The play room should be carpeted and the chairs padded.
What should you do if, despite your efforts, there is a melt-down? You have to make a decision in a child this age whether to CONTAIN the behavior or IGNORE it. In very frustrated children under two you can stop the head-banging by picking up and holding the child tightly either in your arms or a blanket. Keep the child's face turned away from yours so there is no way the child can get attention, just containment. Speak quietly but soothingly. "I know you are angry because you can't tear up Mommy's magazine. I'm going to hold you tight until you feel better."
However in older children the attention that containment provides may lead to more tantrums for the express purpose of getting this attention. You obviously want to avoid giving your child the idea that a tantrum gets you what you want. So if your child has a tantrum because you won't hand out any more cookies, make sure the child is safe and walk away. When the child realizes there is no audience the tantrum stops quickly 99% of the time. Some kids keep screaming to see whether Mommy or Daddy will come back in the room. Don't do it.
Written by Dr Marilyn Heins. Dr.Heins is a pediatrician and parenting columnist residing in Tucson Arizona. For more information visit www.ParentKidsRight.com.
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