Articles
There's More To Kissing And Making Up Than Meets The Eye
By Jeffrey E. Burkart
April 24, 2008
My family had a wonderful tradition. Each night before I'd go to sleep I would go to each one, give them a kiss and say, "I love you, Grandma; I love you, Mama; I love you, Daddy; I love you, Grandpa." My parents and I lived with my father's parents in an extended family. There was never a night when this ritual was forgotten and when I became a parent the tradition was carried on in our home. Each of my three sons learned the rite and, although we are separated by distance now, we follow the tradition whenever we are together for holidays and vacations.
I can recall times that I did or said something hurtful and how those words and actions festered in my mind throughout the day. When evening came, however, the power of the "goodnight" tradition would begin to work its miracle. You can't give someone a hug and kiss and say, "I love you," without first saying, "I'm sorry." No matter what might have been said or done during the day, the kiss and the words, "I love you," brought healing and forgiveness.
For me, this tradition was based on words from the Bible itself: Do not let the sun go down on your anger... And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live...Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you (see Ephesians 4:20, 30-32). I'm not sure if my folks knew these verses, but they certainly understood a practical way to make these words come alive in our home.
This "spirit of forgiveness" within our family was practiced over and over and continues to this day. I can recall one Christmas vacation when my parents came to our home for an extended visit. For some reason I became angry with my dad. I said something that made my father feel terrible. The look on his face was indelibly etched in my mind and immediately I knew that I had hurt his feelings.
The spirit of joy that filled our house was broken in an instant and the anger that I had unleashed at my dad saddened the entire day ... then evening came. My dad stared blankly at the television that was tuned to an old black-and-white Christmas movie. I looked my father in the eyes, gave him a kiss and said, "I'm sorry, Pa. You know I love you. Please forgive me." He hugged me and said, "I know-it's okay, I love you too." The spirit of love, forgiveness, joy, and wholeness was immediately restored.
It's such a simple thing it is to say, "I'm sorry-forgive me." But simple things are sometimes hard to do. It's like keeping New Year's resolutions. We all know what we should do, but we make excuses. Here's a suggestion: Make only one resolution this year and stick to it. Resolve to "kiss and make up" by never letting the sun go down on your anger. Tell the people you love the most that you do love them and do it every night before you go to bed. I know from my own experience that God is at work whenever we say, "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me? I love you." It is at those times when the Spirit of God fills our home with peace and puts all that is broken back together again.
Dr. Jeffrey E. Burkart is a dean, director, and professor at Concordia University in St. Paul, Minnesota. He is a published author, having written numerous resources for young people. He is a renowned storyteller and popular speaker for all ages.
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