Articles
WE or ME? -- forming Character in Children
By David Ludwig
November 08, 2007
Which of the following two children would you rather have living at your house?
A child who is:
Self-centered or Concerned for others
Selfish or Willing to share
Rebellious or Obedient
Disrespectful or Respectful
Complaining or Loving
Deceitful or Honest
Self-indulgent or Self-controlled
The answer is obvious. At least I would have no problem selecting the second list very quickly! The first list represents a "ME-oriented" child. Such a child is a product of a "ME-culture"-- the model we often see in the media and our society. In a "ME-culture" children are raised to believe that happiness is based on fulfilling their own needs. This encourages children to look out for self and come out the winner. The "ME-culture" also sees building self-esteem in children as more important than discipline.
The second list represents a "WE-oriented" child. Such a child is a product of a "WE-culture." In a "We-culture" it is more important to "think WE" than to "think ME." In other words, each member of the family looks out for the good of the whole family. Sometimes that means putting the family's needs above the individual needs! Children raised in a "WE-culture" believe that happiness comes from seeing themselves as an important pieced of a puzzle -- interrelated and connected to others. A healthy self-esteem flows not out of personal achievement but from being part of a loving, caring family.
The Keys to a Family "WE-Culture"
* Mom and Dad love and care for each other (if this is a two-parent household). When husbands and wives relate to each other with mutual love and respect, they are modeling the "WE-culture." The "WE" attitude shows itself in simple actions, such as Dad bringing Mom a cup of tea while she relaxes after dinner, or taking time to talk together and catch up on each other's day.
If you are a one-parent household, establish the "WE-culture" by showing you are comfortable as a single parent. This doesn't mean you experience no parenting challenges, but rather that you demonstrate confidence in your role as the parent. You can also draw close friends or extended family members into your activities to model a "WE-culture."
* Parents demonstrate genuine concern for the welfare of the children. This means setting healthy boundaries and making tough decisions about what you will and will not allow in your home -- for the good of the family. It is important that Mom and Dad form a united front, so that children will not play one parent off the other. When Mom and Dad are a "WE," the children know it and feel secure.
* Children demonstrate respect for the parent(s). They may not always agree with Mom or Dad, but they know disrespectful behavior is not an option. In a "We-culture" children are willing to listen and to learn.
* The family unit is highly valued. "WE" is more important than "ME." Children have input in family decisions, and thus are included as part of the "WE." For example, the family decides together where they will go on vacation, taking into consideration the preferences of everyone and choosing the vacation that will be best for the family as a whole.
Faith and the "WE-Culture"
Does it sound too good to be true? Can "WE-culture" families really exist amid the brokenness of a "ME-culture?" The good news is that this is the very brokenness God has addressed through Jesus. With God's help, we can be intentional about nurturing the "WE-culture" in our homes. For example, we can pray together about daily events and family concerns. When siblings are unkind and hurt each other's feelings, forgiveness can help restore the "WE" between brother and sister.
Making School Part of the "WE-Culture"
School can be part of your family's "WE-culture" when you establish a partnership between home and school. Consider these suggestions:
•Meet with your children's teachers and ask, "How can 'WE' work together?" Ask teachers to contact you for help with problems that arise. If children complain about a teacher, pick up the phone and call the teacher in the children's presence, so they can see the "WE" in action!
•Invite your children to talk over school situations at home. Listen and work together to solve problems creatively.
•Teach your children how to "think WE" in school situations, to consider the welfare of their classmates individually and the class as a whole.
Helping the "WE-Culture" Grow
The keys given here can help you cultivate a "WE-culture" in your home, a culture in which children can thrive. God is eager to help you raise children of character. Faith in Jesus Christ encourages us to love one another just as God graciously loves us. The "WE" is God's gift to families, just as God brings us into His family through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ.
David J. Ludwig, Ph.D., is a pastor, psychologist, author , and speaker from Hickory, North Carolina. For more insight into the "WE-Culture," visit his web site at www.ThinkWENotMe.com.
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